it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
