I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
