she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
