dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
