Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
