lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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