no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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