I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Still dying that you shit outside
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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