The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize