Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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