How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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