She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
