the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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