i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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