i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
