dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
