While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i think i just lost a toe
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
