If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
