Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We had to coat check the pizza.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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