I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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