hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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