He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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