After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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