Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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