This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
