ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
