hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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