I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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