I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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