i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
