You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
