So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
