my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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