john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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