I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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