So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize