you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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