I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
