im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
