Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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