I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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