i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
