just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
