dude i'm inner monologue high
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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