I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
