so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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