I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
