i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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