It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
