Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize