Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
