Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
