when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize