i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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