so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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