I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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