The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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