Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
