I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He did a backflip because drugs
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
