he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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